{"SettingBoundariesInSobriety":{"bf_titre":"Setting Boundaries in Sobriety","bf_description":"{{attach file=\u0022dreamstime_s_94102255.jpg\u0022 desc=\u0022image dreamstime_s_94102255.jpg (25.5kB)\u0022 size=\u0022big\u0022 class=\u0022center\u0022 caption=\u0022My relationship with Jill was one of the few things from my drinking days I wanted to save. At best, it was hanging by a thread.  \u0022}}\r\n\r\nSobriety doesn\u2019t come with a handbook. If it did, you\u2019d have to be sober first to read it.\r\n\r\nPeople with addiction issues are not used to setting boundaries, especially when those boundaries involve behaviors we have reinforced for years.\r\n\r\nI spent years violating boundaries as a drunk. Particularly when it came to relationships. Piss me off and I\u2019d become belligerent. Let me drink all night and I\u2019d throw up on your carpet. Invite me to a party and I\u2019ll embarrass you in front of your friends. Weddings? Absolutely! Sign me up as the drunkest attendee. For drunks, the people who let us violate their boundaries are the ones we come back to over and over again.\r\n\r\nI chose to become sober and dry after drinking made my life unbearable. My fianc\u00e9 Jill didn\u2019t make that choice. She didn\u2019t have to; she wasn\u2019t experiencing the same struggle with alcohol abuse I was. [Drinking](https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/wine-lovers) was ruining my personal and professional relationships. I spent my days trying to make up for what I destroyed at night. She had a glass or two of wine when she felt like it and functioned fine the next day.\r\n\r\nSobriety doesn\u2019t come with a handbook. If it did, you\u2019d have to be sober first to read it. Perhaps I would have learned about being a [decent sober person](https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/sober-singles) if I had gone to an in-house treatment program. I did my sobering up in the wild, so to speak. My changes, positive and negative, took place in front of everyone around me.\r\n\r\nJill and I were blindsided by boundary-setting issues early in my sobriety. Our relationship was one of the few things from my drinking days I wanted to save. At best, it was hanging by a thread. We agreed to stay together while I tried to get a firm grasp on sobriety. She gave me support and encouragement as I experienced little successes: one day sober, one week sober.\r\n\r\nI appreciated Jill\u0027s support. We never discussed the specifics of what I\u2019d need from her. I wouldn\u2019t have known what to ask for anyway. I intended to go to AA every day for the first 90 days and I was seeing an individual counselor and going to a weekly all-male support group. I was bursting at the seams with support; I was exhausted from so much support.\r\n\r\nJill drank wine. Not my drink of choice. I was the typical Philadelphia-living, bearded, tattoo-covered, craft beer drinker. The higher the ABV the better. The more ounces the better. Wine? No thanks. I hadn\u2019t asked Jill to stop drinking or to keep alcohol out of the house but she had naturally done so, initially. I assumed we had an unspoken agreement.\r\n\r\nA couple weeks into my sobriety, we had plans to spend a relaxing afternoon and evening together. I was leaving work early to watch a Team USA World Cup soccer match, an event I would have typically used as an excuse to overconsume alcohol on a weekday. Just like football games, tennis matches, holidays, and days ending in a y.\r\n\r\nHowever, my newly-sober-person plan consisted of spending time watching soccer and eating takeout Thai food with Jill.\r\n\r\nJill sent me a text asking if I would pick her up a bottle of wine on my way home from work. It was a reasonable request on the surface; she didn\u2019t have a car, so it was easier for me to pick up the wine on my way home. Pennsylvania has interesting liquor laws: you can\u2019t walk into any random gas station or grocery store and grab an alcoholic beverage; there are special stores for buying wine and spirits and separate bottle shops where you can purchase beer.\r\n\r\nJill\u2019s request didn\u2019t offend me at first. She knew I didn\u2019t drink wine and she was supportive of my sobriety and told me she was proud of me. I knew her request for a bottle of wine meant we were likely going to have sex that evening. I had no issue with that \u2013 of course I could bring her a bottle of wine.\r\n\r\nOn the way home, I picked up the finest bottle of $10 red wine I could find. I guess we weren\u0027t going to watch soccer after all.\r\n\r\nWe had the kind of evening you can only have when you are in a relationship that\u2019s starting to heal after a long period of damage. You know, sexual healing? Jill had a glass of wine or two over the course of the night. I found out later Team USA had won their game.\r\n\r\nEverything was perfect.\r\n\r\nUntil it wasn\u2019t.\r\n\r\nThere were a couple things I hadn\u2019t told Jill about my trip to the wine store. First, I had broken out into a panic while I was in the store. I\u2019m no stranger to anxiety attacks, but this one hit me hard.\r\n\r\nMaking matters worse, I chose to get her wine from a store directly across the street from the meetinghouse for the AA group I was attending. I felt like I was sneaking behind enemy lines as I came and went from the wine shop. I expected to see someone I knew from meetings standing outside smoking. I bent my head down and rushed back to my car.\r\n\r\nTo hell with them, I thought at the time. If someone sees me, I\u2019ll tell the truth. I flashed back to the time my middle school friend told his parents the open beer he was holding was for a friend. Not a believable story then, still not a believable story as an adult.\r\n\r\n\u0022\u0022\u003Ccenter\u003E\u0022\u0022**Sponsored Ads**  \r\nLooking For Online Love? Try Loveawake Free Dating Site:  \r\n[[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Norway-dating-service.html?page=14 Meet Online Love In Norways]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Sweden-dating-service.html?page=14 Meet Swedish Lovers]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Finland-dating-service.html?page=14 Find Love in Finalnd]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Denmark-dating-service.html?page=14 Online Love In Denmark]] |\u0022\u0022\u003C\/center\u003E\u0022\u0022\r\nNo one from the group had seen me, but mentally the damage was done. I tend to ruminate on things until they drive me crazy and I spent the next few days stewing on what Jill had asked me to do. How rude. How disrespectful. Didn\u2019t she understand my position? How absurd I should have to say that I don\u2019t want to go into a wine shop as an alcoholic.\r\n\r\nI decided I needed to tell Jill about my boundary issue when I picked her up from work that Friday. Every Friday I\u2019d pick her up from the University of Pennsylvania campus where she worked, we\u2019d get Indian takeout and go home to Netflix.\r\n\r\n\u201cYou really screwed me over the other day,\u201d I started the second she sat in the car.\r\n\r\n\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d She asked.\r\n\r\n\u201cWhy did you think it was OK to ask me to pick you up a bottle of wine?\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cYou didn\u2019t have to say yes. I could have gotten it myself.\u201d\r\n\r\nOur conversation spiraled into an argument.\r\n\r\n\u201cI don\u2019t want that poison around me right now. What would I have done if someone from AA saw me?\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cI won\u2019t ever ask you to pick me up wine again. That\u2019s easy.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cOh, I\u2019m beyond that,\u201d I told her.\r\n\r\n\u201cAre you asking me not to keep alcohol at home? That\u2019s easy too.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cThat\u2019s the least you can do.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cYou can\u2019t ask me never to drink. That\u2019s too controlling for me. I\u2019m a grownup.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cFine. I\u2019d appreciate you not doing it around me for a while.\u201d\r\n\r\nWe drove home without getting our food.\r\n\r\nI told the story of the bottle of wine and our argument at my next men\u2019s group meeting.\r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019d say I did a good job setting my boundaries,\u201d I proudly told Counselor Gary and the group.\r\n\r\n\u201cYou did a piss poor job setting boundaries,\u201d Gary replied. \u201cYou willingly crossed your own unstated boundary. And then you got mad about it.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cAt least she knows now what I won\u2019t stand for,\u201d I shot back\r\n\r\n\u201cYou don\u2019t have a right to tell her what you won\u2019t stand for. I\u2019d say you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you get to that point. Especially with Jill.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cWhy should she get to drink still if I can\u2019t? How will we get along?\u201d I asked.\r\n\r\n\u201cYou can remember she\u2019s an adult and she can do what she wants. That includes choosing to stay with you. You should focus on that, and not nit-picking behaviors she has no idea rub you wrong.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cI have boundaries, damn it!\u201d I said.\r\n\r\n\u201cRight. That\u2019s new for you. That\u2019s new for the people around you. People can\u2019t read your mind. You\u2019re responsible for setting your boundaries. You\u2019re responsible for maintaining them. Not Jill.\u201d Gary shut me down.\r\n\r\nI sat, arms crossed and unreceptive the rest of the session. Gary\u2019s words stung. I was responsible for setting my boundaries? How could I do that? I drove home wondering how I could verbalize the things I was feeling.\r\n\r\nI worked hard as my weeks of sobriety turned into months; hard at my work, hard at my relationships. Jill and I turned a corner. We found a way to work with each other and communicate our needs. Sometimes you\u2019ll need to set match preferences, but you won\u2019t have to answer a long questionnaire like on [[https:\/\/easyhookups.site\/ Easyhookups]].\r\n\r\nWe set some basic boundaries, ones that would have made sense to a sober outsider. I would never be asked to handle alcohol in any way. No purchasing, no opening a bottle, no carrying a drink to her across the room. The tradeoff, although Jill didn\u2019t ask for it, was that wine could exist in our house without upsetting me. She could have a glass of wine at a dinner out and I wouldn\u2019t feel affronted.\r\n\r\nOther boundaries were a little less perceptible. We had to negotiate the boundaries needed for a healthy relationship. I communicated my needs to Jill more often. She began to open up more to me about her needs. We found ourselves more in periods of harmony as we strengthened our bond.\r\n\r\nGary was instrumental on my end. He provided an unbiased view of my unacceptable behavior. He gave me feedback on how I could approach situations without sabotaging them. He coached me on identifying situations I wasn\u2019t comfortable with, and how to better communicate them to my friends and family before things got out of hand.\r\n\r\nToday, Jill and I are married with a three-year-old daughter. I recently passed the fourth anniversary of my sobriety. Parenting and being a husband are rewarding and challenging roles that require setting and respecting boundaries. It\u2019s something I\u2019ve gotten better at in my sobriety and something I\u2019m thankful for the opportunity to continue improving.\r\n","bf_date_debut_evenement":"2022-06-02","bf_date_fin_evenement":"2022-06-02","bf_site_internet":"","bf_adresse":"","bf_code_postal":"","bf_ville":"","id_typeannonce":"2","id_fiche":"SettingBoundariesInSobriety","imagebf_image":"","fichierfichier":"","date_creation_fiche":"2025-06-02 15:20:00","statut_fiche":"1","date_maj_fiche":"2025-09-29 14:22:17","user":"185.107.162.250","owner":"","html_data":"data-bf_date_debut_evenement=\u00222022-06-02\u0022 data-bf_date_fin_evenement=\u00222022-06-02\u0022 data-id_typeannonce=\u00222\u0022 data-id_fiche=\u0022SettingBoundariesInSobriety\u0022 data-date_creation_fiche=\u00222025-06-02 15:20:00\u0022 data-statut_fiche=\u00221\u0022 data-date_maj_fiche=\u00222025-09-29 14:22:17\u0022 ","url":"https:\/\/sauvageons.com\/?SettingBoundariesInSobriety"},"PowerOfHonestyInRelationships":{"bf_titre":"Power of Honesty In Relationships","bf_description":"{{attach file=\u0022149923561612x612.jpg\u0022 desc=\u0022image 149923561612x612.jpg (39.8kB)\u0022 size=\u0022big\u0022 class=\u0022center\u0022}}\r\nThis is a big topic because we all want to believe that we are honest people. We have good intentions, play by the rules and try not to hurt anyone. But when it comes to pure honesty, many of us falter. It is only human because we were all conditioned to lie.\r\n\r\nWhen we hide our true feelings, we often think that we are protecting another person from hurt. We gloss over truths or just avoid confrontation altogether. Most of us were taught that if you don\u2019t have anything nice to say, don\u2019t say anything at all.\r\n\r\nI felt this way once when I was dating someone who really liked me. He was a very handsome guy but about ten years younger.  I just didn\u2019t feel the same way about him but kept stringing him along and telling him I wasn\u2019t sure because I didn\u2019t want to hurt him. I just hoped he would give up on me and go away. I wanted to avoid telling him the truth.\r\n\r\n\u0022\u0022\u003Ccenter\u003E\u0022\u0022**Sponsored Ads**  \r\nLooking For Free Online Dating? Try Loveawake:  \r\n[[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Ireland-dating-service.html Irish Free Dating Service]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Malaysia-dating-service.html Malaysia Dating]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Philippines-dating-service.html Philippines Free Dating ]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Denmark-dating-service.html Denmark Dating]] | [[https:\/\/kaixkitsune.com\/ Kaia Kitsune OnlyFans Model]]\u0022\u0022\u003C\/center\u003E\u0022\u0022\r\nI remember a teacher telling me that what I was doing was not very nice, and that my behavior was actually very mean. She challenged me to tell him my true feelings. I called him up and said, \u201cI am sorry I have been lying to you. I just don\u2019t think we are meant to be together.\u201d Instead of him being mad or hurt he said, \u201cThank you for your honesty. That is all I needed to hear. Now I know where I stand and can finally move on.\u201d A load had been lifted off of both of us with no hard feelings.\r\n\r\nThe reason you steer away from the truth is that you are assuming they are going to react the same way you would. If you get hurt when someone doesn\u2019t call or says he\u2019s not interested, then you will shy away from doing that to someone else. You secretly hold a grudge as to why he just wouldn\u2019t call back, but you may often do the same in other areas of your life.\r\n\r\nWe take things personally when someone doesn\u2019t like us and don\u2019t want to face that pain. We try to buffer ourselves from that hurt by pretending, avoiding and even outright lying.  The subconscious doesn\u2019t know the difference between you and others.  It makes assumptions based on your programming. If you hold back from dishing the truth out, you have something inside that is also resisting receiving honest feedback as well.\r\n\r\nThe sad part is that no one really gets close to you when you are lying. They only see a fa\u00e7ade of who you are. If you act like the nice girl but hold grudges about doing something inside, you are not being very nice. You deny others of your truth and if they like you it isn\u2019t the true you, so what\u2019s the point? You end up just attracting fake friends who like your persona.\r\n\r\nThe need for honesty is the main reason relationships fail or why people unconsciously reject them. There is only so much surface talk you can do and dancing around the truth until you get tired of each other. This is the feeling that you get in a relationship when you feel something is missing.\r\n\r\nIf you hide your feelings as a habit, you will always attract men (or women) who do the same. You will have chemistry with those who match your level of comfort when it comes to speaking the truth. Your relationship will be hot at first but you will both shy away when it is time to have some real conversations.\r\n\r\nBeing able to openly confront your true feelings with power takes a lot of courage, especially if you were taught the opposite. Every fiber of your being may be pulling you back to safety, but once you start the process, honesty becomes easier and liberating.\r\n\r\nThink about someone you need to confront with the truth. What feelings arise inside of you when you think of actually telling them your true feelings? Many times it is a deep feeling of fear. The little you views the other person as a threat to your safety, and the imagined intimidation makes you want to shrink back and avoid confrontation.\r\n\r\nFacing a fear is  like being a little kid afraid to look under the bed because of the monster that hides there. As an adult, you can see that it was just a myth and you are no longer afraid to peak under the bed. Just like the deeper parts of yourself, you may avoid the truth within because you fear what lies beneath the surface.\r\n\r\nYou can start with small truths first before you build your way up to big talks with parents or relatives who have hurt you. I started with my younger man and that gave me the courage to contact my Dad a few hours later.\r\n\r\nYou can also practice saying the truth in a meditation and face the person in your mind. This will help you desensitize the fear and the subconscious believes it is actually happening. For some people, this imaginary confrontation is all they needed to break an unhealthy relationship pattern.\r\n\r\nWhether you\u0027re new to sugar dating or have some experience, it can be hard to find people who want the same kind of clear, agreed-upon relationship. To make it easier, we looked into [[https:\/\/forum.wishmood.com\/threads\/what-are-the-best-sugar-dating-sites-you-know.19\/ most popular sugar daddy sites]] and gathered all the info you need to pick the right one.\r\n\r\nOf course, the most powerful act is to be honest externally. By breaking through my fear, I was able to get closer to others and more intimately love myself. A deeper heart opening occurred which led me to meet Roberto a few weeks later.\r\n\r\nIf you do nothing else, practicing honesty with yourself and others is the most self-loving activity you can experience. The harshest judge in your life is yourself. No one can hurt you without your agreement. Be fearless in your communication and open your heart. This is the path to true, authentic love and unlimited power to face anything in life. The fear of honesty may be the reason why you avoided true partnership all of these years and it is your time to become free and open up to the love that has been waiting for you.","bf_date_debut_evenement":"2022-06-03","bf_date_fin_evenement":"2022-06-03","bf_site_internet":"","bf_adresse":"","bf_code_postal":"","bf_ville":"","id_typeannonce":"2","id_fiche":"PowerOfHonestyInRelationships","imagebf_image":"","fichierfichier":"","date_creation_fiche":"2025-06-03 12:06:39","statut_fiche":"1","date_maj_fiche":"2025-07-09 13:24:59","user":"66.249.66.198","owner":"","html_data":"data-bf_date_debut_evenement=\u00222022-06-03\u0022 data-bf_date_fin_evenement=\u00222022-06-03\u0022 data-id_typeannonce=\u00222\u0022 data-id_fiche=\u0022PowerOfHonestyInRelationships\u0022 data-date_creation_fiche=\u00222025-06-03 12:06:39\u0022 data-statut_fiche=\u00221\u0022 data-date_maj_fiche=\u00222025-07-09 13:24:59\u0022 ","url":"https:\/\/sauvageons.com\/?PowerOfHonestyInRelationships"},"DatingAfterMarriage":{"bf_titre":"Dating After Marriage","bf_description":"{{attach file=\u0022175897222612x612.jpg\u0022 desc=\u0022image 175897222612x612.jpg (22.4kB)\u0022 size=\u0022big\u0022 class=\u0022center\u0022}}\r\nI have always been a person who loves men. I am older now and have had some really good romances in my life. I have not been with a lot of men, but I choose very carefully with whom I plan to spend any time.\r\n\r\nI did not date around a lot in high school. Instead I went \u201csteady\u201d as we called it in those day. I was with the same boy for five years and we almost married, but he made a fatal mistake. He went off to college and one night he called me by another girl\u2019s name. That was the end of that. I was twenty years old and would not stand for him fooling around while going steady with me.\r\n\r\n\u0022\u0022\u003Ccenter\u003E\u0022\u0022**Sponsored Ads**  \r\nLooking For International Marriage Agency? Try Loveawake:  \r\n[[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Spain-dating-service.html?page=28 Spanish Marriage Agency]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/France-dating-service.html?page=28 French Dating Agency]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/United-Kingdom-dating-service.html?page=28 UK Marriage Agency]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Canada-dating-service.html?page=28 Canadian Matchmaking Agency]] | [[https:\/\/meetfems.net\/ MeetFems Free Dating Site]]\u0022\u0022\u003C\/center\u003E\u0022\u0022\r\nI later married a man I loved very dearly and still do. We built a good life together, had a nice home, set and met goals, traveled, and raised a family. We sort of grew into adulthood together and matured the way so many people do. Slowly our lives grew apart and after twenty-five years, we divorced but are still friends.\r\n\r\nI then met a wonderful man who was European. We were introduced by a friend and after a short time, we fell very much in love. We were lovers for twelve years by way of a long distance romance. We had jobs where we could both travel and saw each other three or four times a year but there was not marriage. Eventually life took a strange turn and we stopped seeing each other. However, we stay in contact over the Internet and still have a special affection for each other.\r\n\r\nA few years ago my first real boyfriend, all grown up now, contacted me and we are once again seeing each other. We talked about old times together and times when we were apart and agreed that some day we may once again be together again on a more permanent basis.\r\n\r\n[[https:\/\/runedate.online\/ Runedate]] knows it can be hard to find people nearby who share your interests and goals. That\u2019s why it helps match you with compatible local men or women, whether you\u0027re in Denver, Seattle, Los Angeles, or somewhere else.\r\n\r\nOne thing I have learned about what is keeping me single is that I truly like myself. I do not feel I need someone to make me whole as a person or to justify my being. The things I have always looked for in a man is intelligence, consideration, caring for another\u2019s feelings, independence, understanding, and the ability to love unconditionally. He must not be looking for a trophy wife, must be fairly close to my age, and good looks help, but are not the most important thing. The eyes can tell you more about a person then any thing else.","bf_date_debut_evenement":"2022-06-18","bf_date_fin_evenement":"2022-06-18","bf_site_internet":"","bf_adresse":"","bf_code_postal":"","bf_ville":"","id_typeannonce":"2","id_fiche":"DatingAfterMarriage","imagebf_image":"","fichierfichier":"","date_creation_fiche":"2025-06-18 15:32:34","statut_fiche":"1","date_maj_fiche":"2025-08-02 11:22:49","user":"66.249.66.197","owner":"","html_data":"data-bf_date_debut_evenement=\u00222022-06-18\u0022 data-bf_date_fin_evenement=\u00222022-06-18\u0022 data-id_typeannonce=\u00222\u0022 data-id_fiche=\u0022DatingAfterMarriage\u0022 data-date_creation_fiche=\u00222025-06-18 15:32:34\u0022 data-statut_fiche=\u00221\u0022 data-date_maj_fiche=\u00222025-08-02 11:22:49\u0022 ","url":"https:\/\/sauvageons.com\/?DatingAfterMarriage"}}